After Darkness...LIGHT




Garden of Reflection 9/11 Memorial
Yardley, Pennsylvania

 
It has been a difficult time for me in the last few months.  I’ll spare you most of the details—pretty personal stuff—but it all began, or seemed to have begun in September, when the job I had started six months before suddenly came to an end. The company’s financial partner severed the relationship, and I was among the first to be let go.


So I was on “Square One” again, back to the proverbial drawing board.  But, I really didn’t feel very much like "drawing."  The previous six-month period of job hunting had proved to be a huge challenge and I wasn't ready to dive into the "deep end" again so soon.  And then all sorts of other bad things began to happen in rapid succession. I have to tell you that with everything seemingly piling up on top of me, I began to understand for the first time in my life why some people think about suicide when things feel just so hopeless. (Not to worry; it was only a glimpse of the deep dark side, not a journey there.)

    

[Edvard Munch: The Scream (1893)]

So a lot of bad things were happening, one after the other, and most were things over which I had no control and which had no solution for me. One night, I just began to scream and found that I couldn’t stop until my voice gave out. Then I sat and sobbed until exhaustion took over.

But in the light of morning, I got up, trudged to my home office, and stared at my computer. I don’t know how it got onto my screen during the night, but early that fated morning, my most recent blog post was staring up at me in from my computer screen as I wiped the sleep from my bleary eyes. I was looking at the wonderful face of the late (and great) Randy Pausch, and below it was my favorite of his many original quotations:

”Don't bail; the best pieces of gold are at the bottom of the barrel of crap.”


Well, I can tell you what the inside of that barrel looks like. Really ugly—Seriously ugly! And I’m pretty tired of digging through it to find that elusive bottom.



Not quite the Bottom of the Barrel
Part of  a hoarder's "Workshop" 


I don’t have a new job yet, though I’m on the short list for a very nice one! But there is no such thing as a “Sure Thing” so I also have a “Plan B” ready to activate if things don't work out.

But here’s a new story of Silver Linings that I can share with you, and I hope it brings a smile to your face, a twinkle to your eye, and a big dose of HOPE to your heart.



"Angels" Float
Christmas Parade, Newtown, Pennsylvania 2010

 As I mentioned above, my life has been a calamity lately. We’re trying to prepare our house to go on the market in early Spring. It’s a LOT of work because it’s an old house, and there are lots of little things and some BIG things that need doing before we’re ready. And LOTS of accumulated stuff needs to go through the “decluttering” process, but that’s another long story for another day. Smack dab in the middle of all the work and the marital disagreements and misunderstandings that go along with the process, all of the electrical outlets in a bedroom and bathroom downstairs in the guest area went dead suddenly. No light. No juice, and no circuit breakers thrown. This was a huge potential problem because the house is too old to have a circuit map on file in the township so it was going to be a gigantic challenge to find the source of the problem.




Our House


My husband is a long-retired electrical engineer and I want to tell you that there was no way on God’s Green Earth that he was going to allow an electrician into the house.  He would lie awake every night for hours, planning the next day’s efforts to trace the circuitry to the bad connection that had caused the outage. And every day he would venture into the vast world of electricity (that I know absolutely zilch about) armed with myriad wires, tracers, and testers. All through this effort, my engineer kept telling me that he was “getting closer” to the solution.  But to me the whole episode just reminded me of Inspector Clouseau’s crazy antics. I probably should have had more faith in his abilities, but I was in the midst of a Negative period, remember?

Well, two days ago--almost three weeks into the project-- from the living room (upstairs), I heard him tinkering with his cables and testers in the hallway, near the front door. And then, a shout in his unmistakable Welsh accent, “I think I’ve got it!” And by George, he did have it! I still have no idea how he was able to trace an outage downstairs to a faulty outlet UPstairs, but he had somehow done it.  So he asked me hold his meter and to watch the readings as he probed with the end of his tester in an area of exposed metal in the outlet'  “What’s happening?” he implored. “The numbers are going down, down, down…to zero,” I responded, having no idea what it all meant! “That’s IT!” he practically yelled! “I just have to tighten up this screw and we’ll be done!” (Notice his use of the colloquial “we.”)

As he tightened the screw I stood at the top of the stairs, peering down and only half hoping to see “the light” come on inside the bathroom. And, dear readers, the light DID come on! Of course it did! Had you the slightest bit of doubt?  We both simultaneously broke out in laughter, celebrating in almost utter disbelief that the long siege had finally come to an end.

Enter: "The Light"
[The Dome at Liberty Place, Center City Philadelphia]

You may find this a stretch, and a corny one at that, but…suddenly bright things began to happen:

• My eldest stepson called to say he had just been promoted to a GREAT new position at work. Wow!

• Later in the day, another stepson called. As a mortgage broker, he had seen really tough times ever since the start of the economic downturn, and things were getting pretty desperate for his family. But on this call, he was 'bubbling' with almost palpable exuberance. He had just been hired to do a new job, with a great salary, and the promise of a wonderful future. Double Wow!

• Yesterday a third stepson (there are five in all) phoned to say that he had just made top Salesman (for his company) in the U.S. He had also gone through tough times, so this was Triple Wow!

Well, I don’t know where the next “Wow” is coming from, but once the lights came back on, all sorts of overdue good news began to flow into our lives. I’m hopeful that this is just the beginning.

But I know one thing is true, as Randy Pausch knew all along:

”Don't bail; the best pieces of gold are at the bottom of the barrel of crap.”


I’m ready to see what is waiting around the next corner. Never give up! Not ever!

Around the Next Bend

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I'll end with a message that we all know but sometimes misplace when bad things begin to happen in our lives.  It comes from Jim Miotke, a young executive who, by all accounting has been highly successful in both his personal life and his career. It has to do with the way we make doors open for ourselves.  The poster below was created by Jim for his amazing online class called, "Customer Charisma."

Jim Miotke is CEO of the successful online Photography website, "BetterPhoto.com"

(Unless otherwise stated, all photography is by Michelle Alton)

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HOPE Refreshed: Signing Up With a Coach * Part I

 Ultra High-End Condo

"Prosperity?"

I answered a Linked-In question today: What does “Prosperity” mean to you? Perhaps my response will go largely unnoticed—there were dozens of great answers posed. But answering this particular question meant a great deal to me because I had just today come to the realization that I am finally on the right path to my personal prosperity (and it doesn't have a lot to do with dollars). Oh yes, my little tootsies have only tentatively tickled the pavers so far, but now there is a schedule in place for making my way up the road.

"The Path"

Karen Florence McMullen is my Coach and she found me on Linked-In. Though we were three degrees of separation apart, a chain of L-I introductions brought us together on what will surely become a “Red Letter Day” on my calendar for years to come.

"Red Letter Day"

When we meet a person with unique and special gifts, an “aura” is immediately revealed, even though the light may have to travel through Cyberspace or Cell waves. I thought I had “seen” Karen’s aura during our first conversation, but didn’t want to make a hasty decision based on what I thought was just a “gut feeling.” I signed up during our second conversation, when I returned from a short photo shooting vacation in Arkansas and Texas.

"Aura"

In preparation for our “Discovery” session, Karen sent me a list of questions to think about and jot down responses as they came to me. “Make them brief, if you can—and don’t send your answers until the night before we talk.”

"Discovery"

When I read the questions, my heart filled with dread. Some examples:

• What is really working in your life? Where are you satisfied?

• What is not working? Where do you need change even if you fear making that change?

• What do you think are your 3 best natural talents?

• What are you tolerating?

• Tell me about a time that was particularly disappointing.

There were 18 such questions, each one increasingly more soul-searching and difficult than the one before. But, in spite of my dread, and since I am compulsive about completing assignments, I did the best I could, and sent my answers at the appointed time.

The next day, the magic began. And I do mean “M*A*G*I*C .

"The Magic Began"

Disclaimer: This is not an advertisement for Karen’s services. But it is a revelation that even a smart person, and maybe especially a smart person, cannot always see the clear path to “prosperity” without a guide. Karen, and others in her profession, are gifted and trained to be just such a guide; they can help you see and remove the obstacles that block your path.


(to be continued)

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All photographs by Michelle Alton
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Note: An article about this blog and me "PharmaView: Via the Blog, a Pharma Star is Reborn" by Paul Thomas, Senior Editor, appears in the February, 2010 issue of Pharmaceutical Manufacturing Magazine.

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Climbing Back Up From the Abyss: Part I

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I was laid off three months ago after having enjoyed a successful career in which there had never been a single day of unemployment. The company meeting began that fateful day with the President saying, with his best-practiced pained expression:


“Our company has had good days and our company has had bad days. And unfortunately this is going to be one of the VERY bad days.”

And it was all downhill from there. Just about half of the workforce was let go that day, as we stood around in the hallways after the meeting, Blackberries in hand, waiting to see who among us would be losing our jobs. One after another, the buzzers went off for everyone in my group, save one. And it was not I who was spared.

"Teardrop"

It was then that the emotional roller coaster began. In the week that ensued between the announcement and the “separation,” the first evidence of our misfortune was the way in which our former associates interacted with us. Most didn’t talk very much to us, except for during “knowledge transfer” activities. I guess it had something to do with what is known as Survivor Guilt. It seemed to be more uncomfortable that week for those who were left behind, than it was for those of us who would be leaving.

Soon enough, though, our relationships with THE COMPANY, were at their end, and we were set out into the job market during the biggest economic recession since the Great Depression. In the Industry in which we had worked, Biotech/Pharma, a series of large mergers and downsizing measures had placed tens of thousands of people like us on the street, competing for the same meager collection of jobs. This was NOT going to be easy. And after the first couple of weeks of attempting to get into the swing of the job search, the roller coaster swiftly morphed itself to carry me into a steep, swift plunge into the depths of depression.

Sound familiar?

Probably like you, over the years I had been sought after almost on a daily basis by recruiters, who while in pursuit, would become my fast and best friends—always there. Now, most had become unusually scarce. I had to call or write to them to follow up on the meager leads that I had sent their way (None were flowing to me in the other direction). Those recruiters who had long been in my network gave me little hope that the job market would open up any time soon, and were encouraging me to consider pursuing jobs that would pay less than half of my former salary. What??? Seems their commissions have been thinning out too!

Enter Linked-In. Intrepidly, I uploaded the tried-and-proven resume I had used, with minor updates, for pretty much the past ten years, and used it to create my online profile. While cruising around on the site (and searching online job boards), I waited to be found. And I waited. Nothing. Not only was I no longer sought after by hiring managers and recruiters; NOW I was almost entirely overlooked by them!

Deeper plunge into the depths. Now I was all the way down to feeling weak and worthless.

WORTHLESS!  Me?

"Why Me?"

The few jobs that had looked promising initially had been awarded to existing employees, or had been cancelled because of budgetary considerations, or suddenly, my phone calls were no longer getting responses.

Fellow travelers on this roller coaster, if you are still spending more time in the dips than in the rises, take heart. You can turn it around. Though it is not a rapid process, it IS a process and you can take control of it and drive it to success—just as you had been doing in your career up until the dreaded day!

No, I am not yet back among the gainfully employed.  but I'm climbing the hill now, without any recent serious backslides into hopelessness. It may still take some time, but I feel very confident that the road ahead will lead to a new beginning.

"Rising Up"

Next week I’ll start the story of how things seemingly SUDDENLY began to turn upward for me. I hope it will help some of my fellow journeyers who have not yet reached the turning point. If you’re one of us, please follow my blog for a few more days; you may find the information to be useful.

For now, I wish all of us the best of luck in early 2010. I think it’s going to wind up being a positive experience!

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All photography by Michelle Alton

http://www.linkedin.com/in/michellealton

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